The State Board of Education in an effort to insure Virginia's place in the world market will adopt Euro-English. But what will take Europeans five years to adopt will be accomplished in one year in Virginia. In the year 2002 all textbooks will be changed over to Euro-English. Everyone who is employed by any school Board in the state of Virginia must use Euro-English or risk losing their job. All SOL tests will be in Euro-English. It will be mandatory for a diploma in the year 2003. Parents will be encouraged to use Euro-English at home so they will be able to understand their children. To accomplish this task the school day will be increased by 1 hour and the school year to 275 days. The estimated cost the first year will be 5 billion, if teacher salaries are not increased. The saving factor will be the willingness of the publishing company Hardly-Any-Core to supply text books with a payback period of 30 years. The publisher Hardly-Any-Core will only charge 8.9% interest and supply the SOL test at no cost. This will bring the estimated total cost with interest to 25 billion. Statistics show that by following this path, the 2002 High School graduates will be the first people in the world to speak Euro-English, thus guaranteeing every Virginia graduate a job in the European country of their choice. Estimates show that by the year 2008, Virginia's College graduates will hold 92% of all high paying jobs in Europe. The return for our investment will be in the area of two trillion Euro-dollars, thereby making the 25 billion US dollars seem like nothing. Upon hearing this proposal two sectors of the state loudly protested; families with incomes of over $100,000, and those in the mountainous areas of the state. The Governor in response granted vouchers for private and at home schooling. Later in an interview the Governor clarified that all religion based schools would fall under "private" schools. When pushed he said that the state vouchers would be $5,000 a year per student. Asked where the money would come from he quoted the 2 trillion dollars pay back but conceded the money would probably come from the reduction of staff needed in public schools. His final statement was that he hoped no student would leave the state school system because by doing so they would be faced with fewer job opportunities in Europe. In a related story Microsoft will give its Euro-English spell checking program to be used in every classroom in the state of Virginia if they just stop buying Apple computers.

Fol O. T. Hill

This article is intended as a parody of the situation that currently exists concerning the VA State Board of Education's efforts at school reform by the present method of implementation, and assessment, of  the revised Standards of Learning.